So Christmas is right around the corner, so I have a present for all you nursey types. Enjoy!
The Night Before Christmas, Hospital Style
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the ward
Not a patient was stirring, no sound to be heard;
The IV bags were hung on the poles with great care,
In the hopes they’d keep dripping, not fill up with air;
The patients were tucked up all snug in their beds,
While visions of discharge danced in their heads;
The charting all done, the nurses all sat,
And had just settled down for a long winter’s chat,
When out in the hall there arose such a clatter,
They sprang from their chairs to see what was the matter.
Away to room 7 they flew like in flight,
Tore open the curtains, and threw on the light.
The lights on the patients, pale as the snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to their faces below,
When what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But a great big ol’sleigh and eight fat reindeer,
With a driver in scrubs and headed straight for the wall,
They knew in a moment it was the doctor on call!
More slowly than snails those fat animals came,
As he whined, and snarled, and called them by name;
“Now Pre-op! Now Pnemo! Now PE and Staph!
On Chemo! On Cipro On Flagyl and Ancef!
To the top of the hospital! To the roof of this place!
Now move your fat asses and pick up the pace!”
So up to the helipad the reindeer they flew,
With a sleigh full of BP cuffs and stethoscopes too.
And then in mere moments the nurses heard from the roof
A sound just like thunder from each reindeer hoof.
The nurses drew in their breath and looked out to the hall,
Standing there with a scowl was the doctor on call.
Wearing surgical green form his feet to his head,
He was rumpled and mussed like he fell out of bed;
A bundle of equipment he had flung on his back,
And he looked like he’d just finished at least one six-pack.
His eyes – they were bleary! His expression not merry!
His face was all haggard and his nose like a cherry!
His dry little mouth was drawn up in a frown,
And the beard on his chin was days-old and brown;
The cap of a pen he held clamped in his teeth,
And his stethoscope wrapped round his neck like a wreath;
He had a narrow face but a big old round belly,
That shook when he walked like a bowl full of jelly.
He was tired and grumpy not at all like an elf;
And the nurses backed up in spite of themselves.
A slow blink of his eyes and a shake of his head,
Succeeded in filling the nurses with dread.
He spoke not a word but went straight to work,
Ripped the bandage off one patient’s arm with a jerk,
Then sticking his fat finger right up his nose,
He turned on his heel and up the staircase he rose;
Lumbered up to the sleigh, cracked the whip with such force,
That the reindeer took off like a team of wild horses.
They heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
“It’s Christmas goddamn it, don’t call again tonight!”
Friday, December 22, 2006
Saturday, December 16, 2006
I feel a rant coming on...
Okay, so yesterday was an awful day and I feel the need to bitch about it so I can move on. I figured this was a much better forum than complaining at work, especially since I considered bringing up the subject during the next staff meeting, which would make me public enemy number one. The issue is the amount of time the day staff people spend on "breaks."
I am an evening float nurse, which means I work from 3pm to 11pm. Half my shift is with the day staff (they work 7am to 7pm), and the other half is with the night staff. Most days when I start work, a couple of people immediately go for "coffee," which means they pick up a coffee downstairs and then sit in the back room for a few minutes and rest. Sometimes the smokers will go for a smoke break. Most of the time I don't really mind. After all, not everyone goes and they usually only go for half an hour at the most. When I used to work day shift, I would occasionally sit in the back for a few minutes if my rooms were quiet and I had all my charting done. However, if my call bell rang, I would go answer it.
Yesterday, I spent the entire first half of my shift with at least someone on break. And it was BUSY! When I first got there, one of the smokers went for a break, but she was only gone for about 20 minutes. She's pretty good about not going unless her rooms are quiet, and sure enough her call bells did not ring once while she was gone. The three non-smoking nurses went for a break when she came back. They sat in the back room for at least 45 minutes and their bells were going off like fireworks. At one point there were four bells ringing! When I went to the back to ask for help, they complained that the two smokers went on a really long lunch(before I start) and that they had to cover for them, so those two nurses should be helping.
Well, anyone who has a job anywhere knows that what should happen and what does happen are two entirely different things. The one nurse did help with a couple of bells, but the other nurse basically stayed in her rooms the whole time. To be fair, she did have a patient with a GI bleed (bleeding in the gastrointestinal system, a potentially fatal problem). The other float nurse was run off her feet just as much as I was. When all the call bells were ringing, she was trying to admit a patient back from the operating room.
So, the time for first supper break came at around 4:30 and the three nurses were still sitting in the back. The smokers and me were supposed to go for that break, but of course, I couldn't go until the others came back. At 4:40, somebody's PCA (patient controlled analgesia) pump started to beep because the bag was empty. When I went to check what kind of medication was in there, I noticed that the doctor had ordered for it to be replaced with oral medication. I'm pretty sure that my blood sugar was getting low because, while I wasn't mad, I was getting pretty cranky. I went into the back room to make sure the nurse wanted the PCA to be done, and she said yes. I was probably more curt than usual because a couple of minutes later she came out and asked if I was angry with her. I wasn't; I was just frustrated with how busy it was and the fact that I was now 15 minutes late for my own break. She said that it wasn't fair because the smokers go for long breaks and that she shouldn't feel bad for having a break, too. I agree, but I don't think it's fair for me to be covering for three nurses when it's that busy. Anyway, I finally got a break, and when I came back, the floor was just as busy. In fact, the nurses that had the long afternoon break skipped their dinner break because it was too busy to leave(although I'm sure they put in for overtime to make it up).
Okay, so here's the part that drives me nuts everytime the nurses protest about being entitled to an afternoon break: according to our union agreement, we're not. In a 12 hour shift, we are entitled to two half-hour meal breaks and two 15-minute coffee breaks. On most floors including ours, we combine the coffee breaks into an additional meal break. That equals three meal breaks with no afternoon coffee breaks. The culture on our unit also means we usually stretch those meal breaks to about 45 minutes, sometimes an hour. Nobody minds this because everyone does it. The problem comes when 3pm rolls around and people take an extra coffee break. Like I said before, I don't usually mind because it is generally quiet on the floor this time of day and the nurses are usually gone for only a few minutes. But yesterday was ridiculous, as far as I'm concerned. I should not be spending four hours of my shift with at least one nurse off the floor the whole time.
Okay, so now I feel better. And I don't want you to think I don't like my job or my co-workers, because I do. In fact, I know at least a couple of my co-workers will be reading this. I also don't want to make them feel guilty, I just wanted to express how I feel sometimes.
End rant.
I am an evening float nurse, which means I work from 3pm to 11pm. Half my shift is with the day staff (they work 7am to 7pm), and the other half is with the night staff. Most days when I start work, a couple of people immediately go for "coffee," which means they pick up a coffee downstairs and then sit in the back room for a few minutes and rest. Sometimes the smokers will go for a smoke break. Most of the time I don't really mind. After all, not everyone goes and they usually only go for half an hour at the most. When I used to work day shift, I would occasionally sit in the back for a few minutes if my rooms were quiet and I had all my charting done. However, if my call bell rang, I would go answer it.
Yesterday, I spent the entire first half of my shift with at least someone on break. And it was BUSY! When I first got there, one of the smokers went for a break, but she was only gone for about 20 minutes. She's pretty good about not going unless her rooms are quiet, and sure enough her call bells did not ring once while she was gone. The three non-smoking nurses went for a break when she came back. They sat in the back room for at least 45 minutes and their bells were going off like fireworks. At one point there were four bells ringing! When I went to the back to ask for help, they complained that the two smokers went on a really long lunch(before I start) and that they had to cover for them, so those two nurses should be helping.
Well, anyone who has a job anywhere knows that what should happen and what does happen are two entirely different things. The one nurse did help with a couple of bells, but the other nurse basically stayed in her rooms the whole time. To be fair, she did have a patient with a GI bleed (bleeding in the gastrointestinal system, a potentially fatal problem). The other float nurse was run off her feet just as much as I was. When all the call bells were ringing, she was trying to admit a patient back from the operating room.
So, the time for first supper break came at around 4:30 and the three nurses were still sitting in the back. The smokers and me were supposed to go for that break, but of course, I couldn't go until the others came back. At 4:40, somebody's PCA (patient controlled analgesia) pump started to beep because the bag was empty. When I went to check what kind of medication was in there, I noticed that the doctor had ordered for it to be replaced with oral medication. I'm pretty sure that my blood sugar was getting low because, while I wasn't mad, I was getting pretty cranky. I went into the back room to make sure the nurse wanted the PCA to be done, and she said yes. I was probably more curt than usual because a couple of minutes later she came out and asked if I was angry with her. I wasn't; I was just frustrated with how busy it was and the fact that I was now 15 minutes late for my own break. She said that it wasn't fair because the smokers go for long breaks and that she shouldn't feel bad for having a break, too. I agree, but I don't think it's fair for me to be covering for three nurses when it's that busy. Anyway, I finally got a break, and when I came back, the floor was just as busy. In fact, the nurses that had the long afternoon break skipped their dinner break because it was too busy to leave(although I'm sure they put in for overtime to make it up).
Okay, so here's the part that drives me nuts everytime the nurses protest about being entitled to an afternoon break: according to our union agreement, we're not. In a 12 hour shift, we are entitled to two half-hour meal breaks and two 15-minute coffee breaks. On most floors including ours, we combine the coffee breaks into an additional meal break. That equals three meal breaks with no afternoon coffee breaks. The culture on our unit also means we usually stretch those meal breaks to about 45 minutes, sometimes an hour. Nobody minds this because everyone does it. The problem comes when 3pm rolls around and people take an extra coffee break. Like I said before, I don't usually mind because it is generally quiet on the floor this time of day and the nurses are usually gone for only a few minutes. But yesterday was ridiculous, as far as I'm concerned. I should not be spending four hours of my shift with at least one nurse off the floor the whole time.
Okay, so now I feel better. And I don't want you to think I don't like my job or my co-workers, because I do. In fact, I know at least a couple of my co-workers will be reading this. I also don't want to make them feel guilty, I just wanted to express how I feel sometimes.
End rant.
Monday, December 11, 2006
This one's for you Rory!
Wow! People actually read my blog! I know this because two different people (okay one of them was my sister) asked me why I haven't posted lately. It's because there's been a lot going on lately, so I'll catch up.
Firstly, my step-daughter had her baby. She had a girl, Ivy Danu, on November 25 at 1pm. Ivy weighed 6lb 8oz at birth but she now weighs more than 8lb! She's a good eater! And she's so cute. I just love her and I can't wait till I have my own little one. She was born with a lot of light brown hair (well, a lot for a newborn) and she's grown even more. I can't wait until she's old enough to smile and laugh. Grandma's got some tricks up her sleeve to make that baby giggle!
Secondly, I have finished the first trimester of my pregnancy. Goodbye morning sickness! I have graduated to eating everything in sight. But I can't eat too much at once, because I still get full easily, just like before I got pregnant. So, I'm eating about every two hours. And when I'm not eating, I'm often thinking about food. Watching tv in the evening can get pretty bad because everything in the commercials looks good. Good thing I don't live within walking distance to any fast food places!
And as if that wasn't enough, the hormones have definitely kicked in mood-wise. I have road rage like you wouldn't believe and I can go from mild-mannered to cranky-pants in seconds. My co-workers already know that my sense of humour leans towards the darker side, but even I can't believe some of the stuff I have said. Of course I can't remember a specific example because I also have full-on baby brain. One day I didn't remember that I kissed my husband hello when he got home from work five minutes earlier!
But lest you think this pregnancy thing ain't all it's cracked up to be, let me tell you the delightful parts. One evening at work, we used the doppler to listen to the baby's hearbeat. It's sooooo cool to hear the "whoosh whoosh whoosh" I have heard so many times before and know it's my baby! There's this whole other being in there! And, I'm starting to show, so on my better days, I feel proud that I have this cute little belly (of course on my hormonal days, I just feel fat). I can't wait until my maternity clothes actually have a belly to fill them out (and people can tell I'm pregnant and not just spending too much time at the dessert table)!
So that's pretty much what's new here. I promise not to wait three weeks to post again. In fact, we're putting up our tree tomorrow night so that should be good for a funny entry. Later gator!
Firstly, my step-daughter had her baby. She had a girl, Ivy Danu, on November 25 at 1pm. Ivy weighed 6lb 8oz at birth but she now weighs more than 8lb! She's a good eater! And she's so cute. I just love her and I can't wait till I have my own little one. She was born with a lot of light brown hair (well, a lot for a newborn) and she's grown even more. I can't wait until she's old enough to smile and laugh. Grandma's got some tricks up her sleeve to make that baby giggle!
Secondly, I have finished the first trimester of my pregnancy. Goodbye morning sickness! I have graduated to eating everything in sight. But I can't eat too much at once, because I still get full easily, just like before I got pregnant. So, I'm eating about every two hours. And when I'm not eating, I'm often thinking about food. Watching tv in the evening can get pretty bad because everything in the commercials looks good. Good thing I don't live within walking distance to any fast food places!
And as if that wasn't enough, the hormones have definitely kicked in mood-wise. I have road rage like you wouldn't believe and I can go from mild-mannered to cranky-pants in seconds. My co-workers already know that my sense of humour leans towards the darker side, but even I can't believe some of the stuff I have said. Of course I can't remember a specific example because I also have full-on baby brain. One day I didn't remember that I kissed my husband hello when he got home from work five minutes earlier!
But lest you think this pregnancy thing ain't all it's cracked up to be, let me tell you the delightful parts. One evening at work, we used the doppler to listen to the baby's hearbeat. It's sooooo cool to hear the "whoosh whoosh whoosh" I have heard so many times before and know it's my baby! There's this whole other being in there! And, I'm starting to show, so on my better days, I feel proud that I have this cute little belly (of course on my hormonal days, I just feel fat). I can't wait until my maternity clothes actually have a belly to fill them out (and people can tell I'm pregnant and not just spending too much time at the dessert table)!
So that's pretty much what's new here. I promise not to wait three weeks to post again. In fact, we're putting up our tree tomorrow night so that should be good for a funny entry. Later gator!
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